Tag Archives: family

being loved..

Heya Bab, This was our second winter without you but of course, as ever, you were very much here. We go into the hills to remember you, but the act feels pleasantly unimportant. We return there again and again so … Continue reading

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love endures…

Heya Bab, I’ve haven’t done this, haven’t written one to you for a while, but tonight was one of those nights when I was left wide awake with words for you buzzing round in my head. I wish you were … Continue reading

Posted in grief, love | Tagged , , , , , | 13 Comments

have ticket will travel…

Heya Bab, Tonight I miss you, but I’ve been doing my crying in the shower to avoid spoiling more fruit! I’ve managed to get my contract wound up and my flights booked so I will make it home for Christmas … Continue reading

Posted in grief, loss | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

how can I help?

We are moths, dancing the breeze ever closer to the flame-flicker that brightens as it burns. There are paths we never want to walk that have to be trodden. Places we don’t want to visit that tug us irrevocably on. … Continue reading

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the enormity of loss..

Heya bab, It was another bloody memorial for you today bab. Its not that you’re not worth remembering, my blood is your memory, but I am done with doing it like this now. I am done with funerals and ashes … Continue reading

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we hurt the ones we love the most…

The planned family day out derailed spectacularly before we got out the door. Suddenly I was caught in the middle of a verbal crossfire between my mum and my brother. The slanging match included vital topics such as the dangers … Continue reading

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these things I am thankful for..

Lately I’ve realised that gratitude, like good grapes, must be lovingly cultivated. It is an art rather than accident; a habit I’m encouraging to sink through me, to colour me and leave me a little more vivid, a little more … Continue reading

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temper and tears….

This morning for the first time in months I took the bold step of putting on eye make up. Fortune favours the brave and all that. It seems like the on off on off job might actually be on again … Continue reading

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whilst we’re here…

Today I hounded my mum and my brother out of the house and down to the beach. It might just have been easier to herd cats over an obstacle course. All morning it seemed things were in the way. It … Continue reading

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on letting it go…

I’ve been thinking about forgiveness. The dog and I watched Dogma last night so I went to bed with a head full of angels, arches and aeon old grudges… I suspect that had about the same affect on sleep as … Continue reading

Posted in reflections, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments