Tag Archives: bereavement

quiet desperation is the English way…

After a few days where grief was as pressing and present as the ground beneath my feet, I’ve been trying hard to put it back in its place, to shift the tilt of my landscape and let in a little more sky. … Continue reading

Posted in feelings | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

happy birthday heartache..

The dates are backing up. I’m in a ruck, a cluster clump of hurt. I’ve been strong all day. Kept the quiver from my voice, the water at the edge of my eye. I did my job, smiled in the … Continue reading

Posted in grief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

goggles in the rain…

Heya Bab, Yesterday it was 5 months since you died. 5 months ago I woke up from another uneasy sleep, went to check on you, was relieved to find you were alive and then realised that a crucial part of … Continue reading

Posted in feelings, grief, missing dad | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

it is not enough, but enough…

Heya bab, Lately I just want to call you. It is too long since we have spoken, too long since I have heard your voice. I often think of dialling your number just to hear your phone ring, but I … Continue reading

Posted in death, grief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

4am….

The runners were there again in the night pounding a path through my sleep and yanking me back into the hot dark room, the net. I stared up the ceiling criss-crossed with bars of black and waited to sink back … Continue reading

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Is fine okay?

I am worried, worried because I feel fine and that makes me uneasy. Since I arrived a few days ago there have been no big dips, no tear storms, no ache and oddly that absence of pain is uncomfortable. I … Continue reading

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these electronic echoes…

It occurred to me today that working in an office in Uganda is not so different that working in an office in London… it’s just that the internet connection here would try the patience of a saint whereas in London … Continue reading

Posted in grief, reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

the other side of distance..

Today, out walking, I stumbled on the other side of distance. It was a nothing, the dog pitter-pattering down a jetty alongside me, clouds scooting overhead. I’d forgotten everything but the gurgle of the river when memory tripped and blind sided … Continue reading

Posted in grieving | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

falling off the earth..

I just stumbled across a blog by someone else, half a world away, whose parent died of the same kind of cancer on exactly the same day as my dad. It is usually good to share, to feel connected, but … Continue reading

Posted in choose life | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

a lightbulb in the darkness…

I don’t know about you but I am kind of fed up with all of this doom and gloom. Reading back and imagining what it must be like for someone else to read this, it occurs to me that I … Continue reading

Posted in choose life, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments