into the darkness..

A family friend’s grown up son came home to visit. He called and arranged to meet his mum for tea after work and then jumped off a bridge into motorway traffic. No one quite knew why and the road left too little of him to answer.

My long-gone friend became a question mark when he jumped/ fell/pushed/ leaped into a moment and ended in that instant. 

I wish he was still a man and not an anecdote. I forget his face but will never lose touch with the simple wish that I’d asked, and waited just a little longer for a realer answer – how are you?

It is hard to make sense of silence. We sit with it and it smothers us.

If I speak mine, you can speak out of yours.

There is a courage in breaking, and admitting to the brokenness. There is courage in crying and letting yourself care.


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8 Responses to into the darkness..

  1. Donna says:

    Poetic and touching. I lost my adult son and have been getting together with a woman who lost her daughter. I find that our speaking and sharing our brokenness has been helping me to want to care again . . . to live again. Thank you for sharing.

    • Thank you for your comment and well done for your bravery. I often think that when we are honest about what we feel we give people around us the most wonderful gift – the opportunity to be free to be as they are too.

  2. These are the hardest to come to terms with, to understand. I think at least random acts like auto accidents, and the like, leave us some sense of “God’s will be done”, but in cases like this we are always left wondering what the human will desired – those questions “how are you” may have gotten a formatted answer “OK” or may have broken through … only now all that is left is the wondering, we are left the witnesses to the changes, in that we grow, but there remains a sadness … Wishing you peace in this Holiday Season …Prayers and comfort in your loss and wondering … Peter

  3. Kathy says:

    Wow. Very powerful words that are so sad and so true. Afraid to burden others with our true thoughts and feelings we so often state that we are fine when we are truly not. Then our silence becomes the heaviest of burdens. I wish I could answer your questions and take away the pain of loss and not knowing. I wish you peace. Hugs.

  4. annwae says:

    My 23 year old son killed himself last year. Suicide shatters so many lives and there is no answers to the million questions that all start with Why?

  5. Oh my! The wondering goes on. I believe it to be the ultimate sadness when we lose someone to the questions of what? what if? why? It makes the deep hole so much more difficult to fill with healing. Blessings on you and yours.

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