I have been a little high on wifi, after a week when the waves were all my satisfaction.
And then I turn to a news site and read of their country flickering through fire on fire, blazing with offense. I am a world away, sitting in the sunshine, but there is rubble in my throat and tears sit like sympathy, a balm on my angry eyes.
Sometimes I don’t want to read the news, but of course my not knowing will not spare them. The world will not right itself through my inattention.
For a while I didn’t contact my friends, I said nothing. But the dry lump of what wasn’t said still sat heavy on my heart, so I found a little courage to put some words to my thoughts and send them, even knowing them too little, too light to work the magics I wanted.
It is not easy to write. It is not easy to say ‘I am on a beach, travelling, discovering. How are you in the midst all that is awful?’.
But I’ve tried to learn my own lessons, to choose the honesty and authenticity of connection over the dull dead wait for words that sound right.
So I send my happy heartfelt how are you?s. Today a reply flew back short and blunt:
“Good to hear you from you. Central America? Wow, glad to hear you are enjoying yourself.
Things are really very terrible here, even though there are some UN observers. They leave and then it’s hell – 102 deaths yesterday.
We are all fine thank god. It will get better soon. I say it but I am not that optimistic. Enjoy your time while it lasts.”
And there it was. The simple wisdom of a war zone. Not sent in bitterness or envy, but the quiet knowledge of how quickly lives, and wonder, and peace can fall onto an end – enjoy it whilst it lasts.