grimacing gratefully…

I leave home tomorrow morning, then fly to Cuba on Sunday to start a three and half month trip seeing places I’ve always wanted to go. I should be hopping with excitement. Instead I feel a bit like I might pop a vein…

For the last week I have been worrying myself frantic – about whether I have enough money, whether I’m spending too much money, whether I’ve packed the right stuff, whether I’ve packed too much stuff. I don’t quite know myself like this and I can’t put my finger on what has got me so anxious.

Today my stress levels have gone up a few more notches as my laptop has spontaneously died a death, my mobile is out of action and my back-up travellers cheques seem to have disappeared into the vapour.

Right now I am wondering why this trip seemed like a good idea just a few weeks ago, feeling woefully under prepared, inadequate and generally overwhelmed. I could really use a hug and someone who is good at finding things!

But I’m trying to find peace, to remind myself that all I have to do is have fun and I can do that in the wrong shoes, with bugger-all money and without either a laptop or a phone.

I’m trying to remind myself to be grateful for this opportunity to go wander, go travel, go see, even if right now the thought of that grand adventure has me antsy and on edge.

I’m trying to remind myself of who I am, that I can manage, that that’s what I do best. I’m searching for those damned travellers cheques for the umpteenth time and trying for a grateful grimace…

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14 Responses to grimacing gratefully…

  1. speccy says:

    I’m looking forward to the stories and pictures already 🙂

  2. This reminds me of the time that I was at the airport and they canceled my flight. I remember standing in the middle of the Chicago airport, freaking out, watching the ceiling get bigger and broader and the people get smaller and smaller, until I felt like a little ant in a sea of chaos…I remember shaking myself out of the panic…I thought of all the shit I had dealt with in my life up to that point, the heart-break, the financial burdens, the times I had to stand up for myself and handle my life….and suddenly all the things I was worried about seemed like such a cake-walk. I think I bought a burger and hunkered down. Lol. You’ll be fine, babe. Sending you a big squeezy hug! You. Can. Do. This. You’ve handled so much more with grace.

  3. Lissa Rabon says:

    For all of the times that I have traveled overseas, I have never felt like I was prepared completely when I stepped on that plane. Then, while i am on the trip, I never remember why I was so sure I had forgotten something. Trying to use a phone over there is a pain in the ass and you can call out from the hotel so much easier. The laptop will just distract you from your adventure and be something to keep up with, the money will take care of itself. You have it all covered. Just breathe and enjoy it…

  4. jmgoyder says:

    Hope you find the checks!

    • I didn’t find them despite tearing the house apart several times but American Express were wonderful and the guy even managed not to laugh on hearing they were lost in the house in the space of less than 5 days 🙂

  5. Hope you see this before you go . Half of life is just showing up. Get on the plane with a toothbrush and change of clothes. Tutor English for extra money. Make friends, have fun. Be bold, and be careful. Ill be thinking of you, a little jealous too. Via con Dios! -gs

  6. Talk to me...I'm your Mother says:

    Oh, I relate! You’re right. It will all work out wonderfully…or not! It will all be up to you. I do hope that you have a laptop, tho. Not only would I hate to be without your posts, but I know from this last month of difficult access that I my writing is much of my life. When it is removed from me, I’m somehow handicapped in living my life. Blessings…

  7. Pingback: thank you for you… | finding life in a death

  8. John says:

    “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” Enjoy the adventure and live the dream!!

  9. You’re definitely not the only one that has an “argh moment or two”! Have a blast, write, and post photos.

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