I leave home tomorrow morning, then fly to Cuba on Sunday to start a three and half month trip seeing places I’ve always wanted to go. I should be hopping with excitement. Instead I feel a bit like I might pop a vein…
For the last week I have been worrying myself frantic – about whether I have enough money, whether I’m spending too much money, whether I’ve packed the right stuff, whether I’ve packed too much stuff. I don’t quite know myself like this and I can’t put my finger on what has got me so anxious.
Today my stress levels have gone up a few more notches as my laptop has spontaneously died a death, my mobile is out of action and my back-up travellers cheques seem to have disappeared into the vapour.
Right now I am wondering why this trip seemed like a good idea just a few weeks ago, feeling woefully under prepared, inadequate and generally overwhelmed. I could really use a hug and someone who is good at finding things!
But I’m trying to find peace, to remind myself that all I have to do is have fun and I can do that in the wrong shoes, with bugger-all money and without either a laptop or a phone.
I’m trying to remind myself to be grateful for this opportunity to go wander, go travel, go see, even if right now the thought of that grand adventure has me antsy and on edge.
I’m trying to remind myself of who I am, that I can manage, that that’s what I do best. I’m searching for those damned travellers cheques for the umpteenth time and trying for a grateful grimace…