Dawn broke and the day was in bloom, bright, beautiful. I woke up with a smile on my face, wriggling my toes and stretching lithe limbs out into warm air. The rising sun stroked back the dark with a lover’s touch.
It was a day off work so I wandered around markets content in my own company, laughing at myself for getting lost in the Aladdin’s cave of bangle-burrows that nestle behind the streets.
After a year of being mashed, mushed and bashed I am feeling pretty damn positive. I have realised that happiness is a choice, not a play of circumstance, a place or a person, and I am choosing it wholeheartedly, passionately, in every moment that I can.
I am utterly, stupidly, silly in love with life.
I see people look at me twice, three times because I am thrumming, humming with energy. Right now I seem to be glowing.
But there could be much more than this.
I am not satisfied. I ache with a longing that is deeper than words. And yet that is also beautiful. I am seeing more clearly, unearthing what was hidden.
I don’t like to live a lack. My life is fast, free, full. I don’t tend to leave many spaces empty. I don’t often wait.
But in making the best, I have failed to ask whether good, is really good enough. I have filled life with what is here, now, where ever that has been, rather than leaving myself room to long for love, to long for extraordinary. . I’ve let myself forget how much I want what I want the most.
So it is time for a change, for saying no to less than incredible. It is time to be hungry, to wonder, to wish, to wait… keep your fingers crossed for me.