my cup overflows…

I’ve spent today sitting in the toilet throwing up in a bucket – food poisoning again. I ache all over, I feel terrible and I’m desperately thirsty because every time I drink, I’m sick again. It has been a day for curling up on the bathroom floor and whimpering pathetically..

For sure, this is the less photogenic end of expat life and yet I am incredibly, stupidly, tearfully happy. Joyful as I up-chuck.

It is crazy, contradictory but to me it makes perfect sense.

My birthday was beautiful, in every way more than I could have wished for: a day littered with blessings. In my poor, sore, feeble body my heart is in full bloom, lifting me from my sticky slump.

I have more gratitude, more thank yous to say than I have words for, but here are just a few of the things that have me beaming:

I’m thankful for:

Another year of life abundant,  bold and lovely.

Feeling brave enough for questions – brave enough for new.

Recognising that my perspective matters much more than the place I’m in.

My father’s heart, always in my heart.

Love that lasts longer than lifetimes.

The knowledge grief has hollowed me out, carved new channels for joy to flow free.

Finding depths of connection in compassion – the beauties of being broken.

Love long-distance and a family who are always there, wherever that might be.

Blog comments that warm me, brighten me, help me think a little differently.

Not knowing how to reach out but taking a shot at it anyway.

The world-away friends who took the time to send hellos.

The brand new friends who feel like they’ve been around for ever.

The little gestures: the cup cake, the flowers, the impromtu gathering, the heartfelt hug.

Remembering the pleasure to be found in a single flower at age six – a gift well re-gifted!

Knowing myself loveable and loving – so simple but so sweet, so me, so mine.

Dancing badly to the Bees Gees at 2am in a thick dense Dhaka night.

Laughing, laughing, laughing…

Someone to bring me soup, poised for when I can eat again.

For finding plenty to smile about even in the crystal ball of porcelain bowl….thank you.


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8 Responses to my cup overflows…

  1. Another lovely post from a most remarkably lovely human being. I am so glad you had a good experience of your birthday, and I hope you feel better very, very soon. Thank you again for the beautiful flowers – now that I am finally home I can enjoy them in their full splendour. You have been an amazing grief-companion in these roller-coaster months, and an inspration. Best of luck for the new year stretching out ahead of you…

  2. jmgoyder says:

    I love the line about a father’s heart.

    • Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I suspect that phrase seeped into me from one of my favourite poems:
      i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
      my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
      i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
      by only me is your doing, my darling)
      i fear
      no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
      no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
      and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
      and whatever a sun will always sing is you

      here is the deepest secret nobody knows
      (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
      and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
      higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
      and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

      i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

      ee cummings

  3. Talk to me...I'm your Mother says:

    Kudos to you for having joy in the dark times. Love your list.

  4. I’m sorry you were not well but I am also really pleased your birthday was full of belssings. I enjoy your writings

  5. cuhome says:

    This is a really wonderful post. As always, your words flow like verse ! d:^)>

  6. yamyah says:

    i loved reading this…smiling 🙂

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