I am not the asparagus…

Today my brother offered me his view on relationships. Since he has been single for a long time, I would generally be quicker to take relationship advice from a nun. However, in the spirit graciously accepting what is generously given, I felt I should listen to what he had to say.

His theory is that dating in your thirties is like shopping one hour before closing on christmas eve. You end up with whatever other people have fought over and damaged past the point of desire, or simply decided against. Basically you can choose to make a meal out of what you find, or accept that you will be going hungry. Everyone else’s big day will not be yours.

By extension, being single and in your thirties also means that you are one of those items left on the shelf. You may be the turkey with the green tinge, the expired goods, the dented tin of asparagus or the mince pies that look like someone sat on them…. But whatever you are, you should know you are in that place because there is something wrong with you.

I had to laugh – my brother has a vivid way of expressing things – but I also knew there was pain underlying the words and a real belief that that’s the brutal way of the beautiful world.

His metaphor has a certain painfully persuasive logic and for a second I felt fingers of doubt creep inside me. It’s never easy to find yourself asking those cold hard questions: ‘am I unlovable? should I accept less than I want because I believe myself to be unwanted?’

But I do not think my life should be shrunk to a seasonal supermarket scrum and a few ‘reduced’ price stickers. To me this life is more, I am worth more than that.

I believe there is value in what is broken; that good meals can be made with lumpy vegetables and out of date sauces.

I believe that the last few minutes might be time enough, that maybe one moment is enough to get it right.

I believe there are bargains, blessings, gems to be found in unexpected places and I wholeheartedly hope that I might just be one of them myself.

I believe I am only bound by the rationale of competitive consumption if I buy in; so tonight I am going to bed with a new mantra – “I am not the asparagus”. I will not settle for less than I want and my life is going to be what I make it.

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6 Responses to I am not the asparagus…

  1. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or so they say.
    I believe they’re all over the place, you know? Although some of them can be pretty blind sometimes. 😛

    I believe that what we don’t seem to get sometimes is that we are the ones who make the right time. It is not some kind of unique moment that happens once in a lifetime, it’s the result of willingness and openness, of being available, of being ready.

  2. I have to say that I laughed at your brother’s take on things. It was very amusing. However I think people grow at different paces.It may be that someone is only discovering their own unique qualities in their thirties and to be with them before that is to be with a fruit not yet ready for eating. People can become beautiful at any age so you should never give up on yourself.

  3. Kristie West says:

    Asparagus indeed! You most certainly are not.
    I prefer to look at it that we are so valuable (in a jewellery store, not a supermarket) and so precious and priced so high that not just any old guy that walks in off the street can afford us. 🙂

  4. You might be a the best thing on the shelf just not the right size or colour for the shoppers who have passed you by…. so far

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