Inspired the Steve Jobs quote that found its way from facebook to my last post, I decided to dig out the rest of his speech and I came across this gem:
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Lately I have been grappling with the suspicion that the career that I fought for for years, that I have loved, pursued, gave up all for, may no longer set me ablaze. It is a life canned and it seems to have an expiry. There is an end date, a chapter unmistakably drawing to a close.
But it turns out it is hard to let go of a dream, even when you’ve had it, lived it; even when you’ve won. It’s easier to stay, to sit, to feel safe, to pause on the page even though the story is meant to go on elsewhere.
It’s been hard to even think of letting go, to imagine something else. I have let other people’s thoughts build boxes in my head, let their limits get a little too solid in my mind. I have thought I am too old to change, that it has taken too long to get here to give this up. I have wondered whether I can succeed in something new.
I seem to have forgotten how I wrestled the same mutterings and mumblings to get where I am now. I seem to have forgotten deciding that just good was not good enough for me.
I have given myself every excuse to let the forward momentum carry me and yet a quiet voice has still said simply, ‘this is no longer enough, I want to be in love’.
In truth I want many loves, a lover, family, friends, an ever busy heart. But above all else I want to be in love with my life. I want life to light up my face. I want to fill my days with something that I feel, that makes my hands fly when I speak.
It seems like time to start imagining something new, to shape another dream. It feels like time to be foolish…