My tiredness has crept up on me. The weight of nights cut short by barking dogs and a hundred good mornings said in squawky parrot. My itchy bites bug me through my dreams and I’ve already grown a little fed up of having to unknot my bed before I can lie in it.
Days of not quite knowing what I’m doing seem much longer. Round the clock politeness is a little wearying. I miss naps, puppy cuddles and lie ins. Grieving has spoiled me for this rougher real world.
Here I am always a little hungry (one meal a day has come as a bit of a shock) so was glad to be invited out for dinner tonight. We sat at a hill top restaurant, watched the sun sink into the lake, talked and laughed till everything seemed a bit easier to take.
By the time we left, darkness had transformed the hillsides, repainted them in a different style. The quick drive home turned into an arduous hunt to find the right road, even though our driver had spent months on these streets. The thick impenetrable dark seemed to suck out sight and ooze menacingly into the car. I don’t think I have ever known such a complete lack, the aggression of nothingness.
The city seemed less friendly and much more frightening. It was impossible to see the road never mind pick turns and shadows loomed and morphed into people or creatures just a few feet ahead. I double checked that the windows and doors were locked as in the space of a few minutes we seemed to lose all sense of where we might be.
It got me thinking that we all have those times when darkness falls rapidly and takes us by surprise, when we feel disorientated and lost on what seemed familiar territory. All we can do in those moments is keep calm, carry on, return to what is safe and known if you possibly can, or wait till either light comes or things start to look more familiar…
Tonight I am falling asleep, still scratching and scowling at the orchestra of noises outside, but glad to be home safe, grateful to be back in my squeaky creaky bed!
I guess that is another thank you to put on my list….