Tonight I have twenty different thoughts in my head which I’ve written, unwritten, written again and then given up on. Nothing seems to want to be born whole, so maybe it is just a time to sit and let the thoughts cook.
I’m tucked up with the dog snoring merrily on my feet, like the world’s noisiest hot water bottle, and I’m thinking of you, thinking of calling you to say hello. So thought I’d say the hello anyway.
Without your phone calls the days seem to stream into each other like paint havocking on a pallet. It’s a bit of a mess. The punctuation is all gone and so much that is meant to be told is left undone without you to hear it.
We’re doing okay. Okay in the broad sense but still okay. You don’t need to worry about us – go find a cute angel to flirt with instead!
I miss you irrationally. At times before I’ve been away from you for months more than this and yet it did not feel like this. I feel I have been robbed of half my tomorrows now I that know you will not be in them.
I miss you like I missed pork when I lived in the Middle East.. like hot showers in Nigeria. You are a lost creature comfort. A hug that has been shrugged into distance. A part of my day that has fizzled out.
The world is shifted, altered without you in it and I am waiting for the curtain to lift . I miss you like I’d miss the colour red if it all ran away..
I miss your height and breadth, your crazy rebel eyebrow hairs. I miss your aftershave and intonations. I miss singing the ‘poor daddy’ song. I miss you saying ‘night night sleep tight’ even though I’m well into those 30s…
You would say this is flowery Oxford talk, laugh at me and tell me to keep my chin up. My chin is up but I still miss you.