malingering with man flu….

I seem to have got myself sick. Evidence includes a barking cough, a vexing snuffle and a generalised desire to do nothing but sleep and mope around indoors.

I am not usually such a Victorian Miss about illness, not one to reach for the snuff at every sniffle, but I’m acting like I have bubonic plague rather than a cold. It must be man flu….

A friend yesterday suggested that grief basically involves napping and watching lots of daytime TV (insert angry eyeball roll here), so I’m relieved to have the coughing to set myself apart from mourning with Jeremy Kyle and Oprah!

In the spirit of recuperation, I decided it would be a good day to paint the kitchen bright red. The job was done with more enthusiasm than skill and I now look like a survivor of a vicious zombie mauling and I feel a similar exhaustion. I may look even worse when my mother comes home and find her walls have had a colour revolution!

Perhaps I need to work on being gentle with myself.

I don’t want to do anything but feel I can’t do nothing. At the slightest sign of strength returning and grief lifting, I have the sense that I ought to be conquering the world before lunch and then the galaxy afterwards. There are days when I desperately need to cram life in, to fill up the empty spaces.

I guess it is sometimes easier to do, than just be and feel...  now where is that Ibuprofen?

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5 Responses to malingering with man flu….

  1. Don’t you think one of the hardest things to do is give oneself permission to do nothing? A wise friend of mine says it can be the most valuable use of time…

    • Hey Becoming, I think that’s true but I’m not very good at it. I think I often assume that because I am not at work I am giving myself space and relaxation but of course it is all to easy to fill the time with other things… like googling ‘how to do nothing’ lol.

  2. projectwords11 says:

    ‘it is sometimes easier to do, than just be and feel’

    Yep it’s easier to starve yourself of feelings than feel them but they catch you eventually… or torture your subconscious forever

    • Thanks for the comment – it is amazing how even with time ‘free’ it seems very easy to fill it up so there is no space in it for the important stuff… that’s one for me to work on I think!

  3. Ah my dear, I hope you feel better soon. My mom used to often tell me to be ‘gentle’ with myself, and I guess it is part of the skill of learning to parent oneself, but often needs conscious reminders. I was discussing the topic of ‘doing’ rather than endlessly reflecting and thinking with friends a couple of weeks ago, and we agreed that it is best, where possible, to try and find a balance between the two. There is something vital in physical activity – be it paining, baking or walking the dog – that gives us an extra sense of achievement without detracting from the thinking time. They balance each other well, and I think you are finding your own balances remarkably. I HATE being sick, but have a particularly rubbish immune system to often find myself with a nasty cold or flu. Now, however, when I long for one to provide a welcome break from long work hours and neck and back pain, I am horribly healthy (apart fro the neck, of course) so drag myself in to the office resentfully… but am ‘doing’ as best I can at least.

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