Today I was back in the office and I remembered all over again how much I care about my work, how it lights me up inside
I was like a duck returning to water after a long drought. I had that sense of flow that comes from being immersed in something that you’re whole heartedly passionate about – as if all of that is a natural consequence of who I am, like rain falling or the sun rising, rather than something I’ve been doing for a living.
Maybe the grass seems greener because I’ve been on the other side of the fence for a while… but I figure I don’t need to analyse it too much. That it feels good right now is good enough.
They did offer me a contract, in East Africa and they want me there right away! So my thoughts are all aflurry.
For other people even considering it might seem insane, but actually for me it’s not too scary – a return to the life I used to know. I’m excited and nervous all at once and I’ve asked for a day or two to decide but there is no denying this job ticks a lot of boxes and offers a relatively gentle road back in.
My first thoughts are of my family. The things still to be done I should be helping with, the rough patches I may not be here to smooth, the lonely Christmas it will be with me and my dad absent. It feels selfish to even thinking of leaving yet, but at the same time I know I need to find my own life again and I wonder if any time will feel all right.
So I’m sitting here wondering how selfish is it ok to be and if not now, then when?