Tomorrow I am heading down to London for a few days.
I’ll be going to work to talk about whether any new contracts are coming up, meeting up with some friends, maybe wandering around a museum or two….trying to connect with the world I inhabited before all of this.
The very thought seems to have set a rabble of butterflies loose inside me. I am all aflutter with quiet anxiety.
Part of me is itching to be working again, to be doing, to be re-engaged. Another chunk wonders if I can get through a whole conversation without tearing up at an awkward moment.
Yesterday my sat nav betrayed me half way through an hour long drive. As a result, the remaining half hour took and hour an a half. I visited one set of traffic lights six times, even though they weren’t all that scenic. In fact, the sat nav’s lies about non existent roundabouts and turns, had me cursing the air blue, trembling like a leaf and quivering on the edge of tears.
I can only conclude grief has eroded my ability to cope until I have the stress resilience thresholds of a particularly timid household gnat. I used to be able to fight lions and tigers on my lunch break… what have I become?
Not quite sure how I am going to cope with the bustle of a big city. Oh well, once more into the breach…